Enrich Your Life Circuit: Set the Lens

Every person is like a river with hidden gold, and those who view them through this lens awaken their courage to reveal it. 

We know this to be true because of the Incarnation. How? The coming of the Word Made Flesh into our world is a steady light revealing who the Creator actually is. Light reveals what is hidden. Therefore, this same light of Christ steadily reveals what is also at work inside of humanity, both that which would wash the feet of one’s fellow man and that which would crucify him. 

That light also reveals the spaces where the choice to do one or the other has not yet been made, spaces where self-giving love and life-giving words have the potential to flow if we choose them. In such spaces, the revealing dynamic of the Son of God continues, for when we do choose life-giving words and self-giving love to fill the void, two kinds of people are revealed: those who are hungry for personal transformation and those who are hardened in their current state. Hearts that hide and hearts that seek. Souls with courage and souls that flee the risks implied by such a disposition. 

The Resurrection, which works all things together for good, reframes even the worst of revelations about another with the hope that even this will impart life and courage, if for no other reason than that the good rejected by the one becomes a glory deflected to the benefit of many. Nothing is wasted—not even wickedness—on the heart that creates value out of every shard and fragment gathered. Be they fleeting joys or lasting sorrows, the courageous heart will embrace them both. We do so through exercising life-giving words and self-giving love toward others in the gaps of our present ruins. 

It is as if we are the Bosnian cellist Vedran Smailović, The Cellist of Sarajevo, who played his instrument upon the rubble of his country’s national library during the 1992 civil war as his “contribution” to the conflict, a prophetic pronouncement against the aggressors and a comfort to the civilians hunkering in the surrounding residences. In spite of all that is lost, we can still redeem the ruins. We can still step into the void. We can still awaken courage in others through life-giving words and self-giving love—or, in the case of Smailović, through Albinoni’s Adagio in G Minor.

This is why G.K. Chesterton (1874–1936), a thought leader who foresaw our own self-destructive age that assassinates the truth speaker in the name of erotic love, could nevertheless assert: “The aim of life is appreciation.”

Now, if this is indeed the aim, how do you reach that distant rim? The good news is that you’ve already reached it in the form of the places you go and the people you know right now. You just need to learn what “appreciation” looks like in your daily interactions, especially with those who are not like you. Let’s discover the practicals and the payoffs. 

Return to our primary thought: Every person is like a river with hidden gold, and those who view them through this lens awaken their courage to reveal it. 

In the case of the people you know in the places you go, the “gold” is the unique experience of each person that reveals their unique value. Their story, their expertise, and their personhood collectively form an uncopyable work you can come to appreciate. It does not mean everything is worth appreciating. To employ our riverbed analogy, the bottom of the river is a carpet of common earth occasionally littered with junk—and yet the gold nuggets are resting on that same silty floor. Now, it is up to each person whether or not they exercise the value of that hidden gold, but it is up to you to remind them it is there. 

You do this by imparting life-giving words and self-giving love (also called self-giving service). These are not daunting prospects if you understand them to be composed primarily of moments as small as mustard seeds in what we call your life circuit.

What is Your Life Circuit?

In the same way a house has wiring running throughout the structure, each of our lives has a circuit of places we go and people we know. We call this our life circuit.

The places we go and the people we know are both literal and virtual. We are present with others physically and we are present digitally. Here is my own example after which you can create one of your own.

Once you have recognized your life circuit, what do you do? Move from proximity to affinity therein. 

Moving from Proximity to Affinity

Proximity puts us around people. We recognize who is already around us. We realize the place of potential engagement we presently have with them. That engagement might be limited in range of topics or avenues of activity. That’s fine. What matters is you recognize they are there.

Once we recognize who is around us, affinity puts us in the place of awareness and appreciation for that person—maybe even a healthy, wholesome affection. It does not necessarily mean we like everything about them or agree with them on every point. But it means we have found a place of authentic gratefulness and perhaps common ground with the person.

The degree of proximity and affinity varies with each connection, but the point is the same. Over the course of time, you intentionally move from proximity to affinity in your life circuit. 

From Simple to Significant

We begin enriching our life circuit at the level of simplicity. We learn a person’s name. We intentionally ask about matters that are introductory and establish a common bond, such as talking about where someone is from or the foods they enjoy. The more you practice this, the more you will realize that there is a vast library of topics you can engage a person on other than just the weather.

Having built trust and initial, basic affinity, we move from simple things to more significant things as time unfolds. And it is in these significant matters that you will discern spaces where life-giving words and self-giving love (or service) could potentially fill the gap. 

This can take place at three levels. First and most commonly, we are always free to encourage others. Secondly (as opportunity presents itself and we see the benefit of it), we share with them knowledge, resources, or developmental opportunities. And thirdly, in a few cases, we introduce them to people who may influence, mentor, train, or develop them. For nothing, not even all the AI in the world, can replace the energizing dynamic of being guided by someone who is one part spirit, one part DNA, and zero part semiconductor: a human being, made in the image of God. No one and nothing can replace that. 

Another way of moving from proximity to affinity is by diversifying our modes of relating to a person. I suggest seven modes: practicing consistency, celebrating with them in their joys, being with them in crisis, engaging in healthy disagreements, planning pleasant surprises, spending leisure time together¹, and creating a workshop environment.

“Set the Lens:”  Look for Life-Giving Moments

Enriching your life circuit comes down to being watchful. Everything comes down to exercising the maturity to value the person in front of you more than hiding behind your phone. By being in the moment, you can intentionally look for opportunities to speak life-giving words or exercise self-giving love in ways that are small, authentic, and have no strings attached. 

Let us deal with an artificial barrier we may carry because of the ruinous condition of our present age: the street-level definitions of “words” and “love.” We tend to dismiss words and distort love. This puts them seemingly out of reach. “That’s not important enough to say and that’s too much for me to do.” But you forget an important truth: the more you remember that small words and actions are the norm, the freer and bolder you will become. Consider the natural world, where most of creation is very, very small. Likewise, most of your words and actions will be quite modest in their magnitude. But this is the only way to make yourself ready for the major opportunities, such as rejoicing with someone when they are glad, mourning with them when they are sad, and standing with them in their hour of trial. 

An Example from Afghanistnan

I recall in 2002, when I lived in the city of Faizabad, which is the capital of the province of Badakhshan, Afghanistan, where my wife and team and I founded a community service agency. We chose to live in Mishkaran, which, at the time,  was a mud brick neighborhood on the eastern edge of town. It was our first week living in our homes there, when five Mishakran families suffered the loss of a teenage son at the very same time when all five of them, drunk on moonshine and driving wildly in a Jeep on a cliff side road, had gone over the edge and plunged to their deaths. In the intense pain of that trauma, there was a memorial service at the local mosque where my male colleague and I chose to go. (The women were mourning at their homes.) 

We sat at the back of the mosque in a posture of reverence, mourning, and prayer. We paid our respects as a blind man, having memorized an entire book by heart, chanted the prayers. 

That intentional choice to be with our neighbors moved us from proximity to affinity in the hearts and minds of our neighbors in a way none of our “development” and “empowerment” ever could have. If we had not done this, we would have remained the well-resourced outsiders to be flattered and cajoled until our goodness ran out. But as it was, we mourned at their funerals, we danced at their weddings, and swapped stories over tea, such that when a group came to town to kidnap us, it was our neighbors who became our barbed wire and our defense. And we didn’t know it had happened till after the elders had ordered the group to leave. The only clue we had was an armed man guarding the neighborhood spigot where we got our water, which we thought odd.

Why did this happen? Because of a basic trust and a basic appreciation. Because we entered into their joys and sorrows, not when we had something “relevant” or “sustainable,” but because we were authentically present with them. We gently but decisively stepped into opportunities to exercise self giving-love and life-giving words. It enriched our life circuit and bore good fruit. And, in the case of the above account, perhaps extended our life expectancy. 

We call this practice of intentionality “setting the lens.” You choose to be mindful of people and the present moment you have with them. You understand that most of life is composed of small actions in the context of everyday routines where many things happen beyond our control—a normal part of being human. And yet, in such a world, where we must constantly respond to things we have not asked for or desired, we can still make daily choices that

• redeem the time and
• make the most of every opportunity.

It begins with a change of mindset, also called metanoia in the Ancient Greek, or, in our English tongue, repentance. Such a mindset constantly asks:

• “How can I give voice to that which puts courage—that puts heart—in the person before me, no matter how small or soft spoken the word?”

• “How can I convey actionable, substantive value to those in my life circuit, even if it’s simply being present?”

and, equally important,

• “If I begin where I am, I will not stay as I am. Nor will those in my life circuit.”

This is the metanoia, the mindset that enriches one’s life circuit and cultivates not only courage for your own calling, but courage for those around you. Yes, if you do these things, it is a sure expectation that, for every one person you throw off their footing with such kindness (not a bad thing, actually), there will be a dozen others who will find their footing. They will find courage, in ways great or small, to be the person they are designed to be and do the thing they are designed to do. They will find courage for their calling. 

©  Kurt Mähler

Firsthand Stories from Afghanistan that Illustrate: 

• The Daughter near Death on the Road to Kamdesh 
• The Duel in Wazir Akbar Khan 
• A Bomb, Blood, and Self-giving Love

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1. “Leisure” is not a class-bound term. It is accessible and necessary. Where I live in the United Arab Emirates, South Asian wage earners will make a mini-park out of the soft green grass in the esplanade of an urban  boulevard, relaxing with karak chai and playing cards in the cool of the evening, oblivious to the Lexus and the Land Rover passing on either aside and perhaps more content than the drivers of both. ↩︎